10 Steel City Values That I Plan to Instill in My Son
By: A Steel City Dad (read more at www.babywatchblog.com)
I’m a Pittsburgher, born and raised. With the exception of a few college-aged years, I’ve lived here my whole life, and I’ll likely die here (unless I die on vacation, which would be ironic and appropriate, and I’m now 100% sure I’ll die on vacation).
Recently, my wife, Kristen, and I happily welcomed our first child into our lives. We decided it was preferable for our finances and lifestyle to have a parent stay at home with our son, Oliver. Since my wife has a great job that she loves, and since I was between teaching jobs . . . it only made sense for me to be the stay-at-home parent. 1950’s gender roles be damned!
Since then, I have kept a blog at www.babywatchblog.com to follow the progress of Oliver; good, bad, and disgusting. Given the opportunity to also write occasionally for SteelCityMom.com, I jumped at the chance. Like I said, I’m a proud Steel City dad, and, as such, will be raising my son to be the same. Therefore, I fully intend to instill Pittsburgh values in my son. What exactly are “Pittsburgh values?” Well, let me give you 10 good examples:
1. Oliver will learn to put fries and coleslaw on all of his sandwiches. We’ll start early with pureed fries and slaw in his baby food. (Note to self: I need a better blender.)
2. The proudest day of my life will be when he points to our Cleveland Browns loving relatives and, in his ultra cute baby voice says, “Mistake on the lake.”
3. While other kids play with dinosaurs, blocks, and dump trucks, Oliver will be playing with toy bridges. Living in Pittsburgh, it really is important to understand the finer points of our many bridges and I totally understand how dorky this is and I’m just going to end this sentence now.
4. There will be a frequent lesson on the vast disparity between the Sids. Crosby is good. Bream is evil. Crosby helps elderly women across the street. Bream flips the bird as he speeds passed. Crosby is allowed to give you candy. Bream will likely murder you given the chance, so run away fast and call the police.
5. It is NEVER okay to bully kids in school . . . unless they call them rubberbands instead of gumbands. Then they’re fair game and deserve a verbal assault, courtesy of Oliver.
6. Oliver will hate the Flyers. In fact, I want to drive this point home so much, that I plan to convince him to not only hate the Flyers, but also flying, flies, fliers, Venus flytraps, and the movie The Fly (although, the star of The Fly is Jeff Goldblum, who’s from Pittsburgh, so I’ll have to clarify that it’s just the movie itself that he should loathe).
7. While Oliver’s favorite pierogi on the field will obviously be the Incredibly Intelligent Oliver Onion, his favorite pierogi off the field will definitely be potato and cheese. I mean, come on; he’s not an animal.
8. Oliver will learn the most scenic vantages on Mt. Washington to take a future date. My son will NOT have a romantic moment at sea level like some shiftless vagrant.
9. Oliver will refuse to acknowledge any Batman other than the true Batman, Michael Keaton. His Keaton love will run deep. (And he’ll be as confused as I am about why Multiplicity wasn’t a box office hit. It’s the PERFECT movie for sequels. But I’m not bitter. Stupid Hollywood.)
10. When a non-Pittsburgh acquaintance spells it Pittsburg, just because their stupid “burg” city doesn’t have an H, Oliver will emphatically hit them with a painfully detailed explanation of the history of our city’s name. (Note to self: I need to purchase a child’s size microphone for Oliver’s inevitable “Pittsburgh name conversation mic drop.”)
I cannot promise that my son will forever live in Pittsburgh, but I can promise that his heart will always live here. My hope is that these Pittsburgh values will give that promise a good head start.
Brad – A Steel City Dad
(read more at www.babywatchblog.com)